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Story/Dialogue Edits #361

Merged
merged 5 commits into from
Apr 10, 2023
Merged

Story/Dialogue Edits #361

merged 5 commits into from
Apr 10, 2023

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StarWitch
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Initial dialogue/story edits for 2023, since it's been a while since this was all written.

Draft for now.

@StarWitch StarWitch marked this pull request as draft March 20, 2023 02:36
@StarWitch StarWitch changed the title Draft: Story/Dialogue Edits Story/Dialogue Edits Mar 20, 2023
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Preliminary review skimming through the diff. I'll take a closer look in-game later.

@@ -459,6 +465,7 @@ DIALOG_TASK(marisa, Stage5PreBoss) {

MSG(iku, "Enough!");
MSG(iku, "It is said that specifically applied electro-stimulation can ease the mind.");
FACE(iku, eyes_closed);
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Indentation gone wrong here?

@@ -339,11 +339,12 @@ DIALOG_TASK(reimu, Stage4PreBoss) {
MSG(reimu, "I can’t stand scratchy wool or slippery silk!");
MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible again my skin—");
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Typo here (in the original too)

Suggested change
MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible again my skin—");
MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible against my skin—");


FACE(kurumi, defeated);
MSG(kurumi, "Huh? I-I don’t know! I barely remember anything!");
MSG(kurumi, "(Ugh, her clothes really do suck though…)");
MSG(kurumi, "(Ugh, her outfit really does suck though…)");
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I just wanna use this opportunity to point out that Taisei Kurumi has objectively the worst taste in fashion.

MSG(kurumi, "Of course not! Who do you take me for?!");
MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the folk of this mansion!");
MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the people running this mansion!");
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Feels too neutral. How about "the dorks running this place"?


EVENT(boss_appears);
WAIT(60);
MSG_UNSKIPPABLE(hina, 180, "Why hello, Ms. Kirisame.");
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I am generally not a fan of MSG_UNSKIPPABLE. In this kind of game you'll be replaying the same stages hundreds of times, so skipping through the dialogue should be easy and near instantaneous.

I only know of one instance where a MSG_UNSKIPPABLE is justified: the 2-second line post midboss in stage 5. It's needed there to keep the music in sync.

The same applies to WAIT; it should be replaced with WAIT_SKIPPABLE in dialogue code unless the delay is absolutely necessary (why?).

Can you please try converting everything else into regular skippable messages, and let me know if that breaks anything when fast-forwarding through the whole dialogue?

@@ -61,13 +61,12 @@ DIALOG_TASK(reimu, Stage1PreBoss) {
MSG(cirno, "What, are you *that* impressed by my incredible magic?!");
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To be honest, I don't really like this whole interaction, especially Cirno's lines. Think you can give a shot at rewriting it?

@StarWitch StarWitch force-pushed the dialog-edits-2023 branch from c486e6d to a32e9dd Compare April 3, 2023 01:52
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Just skimmed through it again, LGTM % comment. Still haven't tested in-game though.

@@ -264,7 +264,7 @@ DIALOG_TASK(youmu, Stage4PreBoss) {

FACE(kurumi, dissastisfied);
MSG(kurumi, "Of course not! Who do you take me for?!");
MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the people running this mansion!");
MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the idiot running this mansion!");
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@Akaricchi Akaricchi Apr 3, 2023

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Plural?

I still think something like dorks or dweebs would be more fitting here since she's insulting their fashion sense rather than intelligence… and Taisei!Yumemi does strike me as a bit socially inept.

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LGTM modulo comment.

Comment on lines 91 to 95
FACE(cirno, defeated);
MSG(cirno, "Cool down! I didn’t mean it like that!");
MSG(cirno, "Chill out! I didn’t mean it like that!");
FACE(reimu, smug);
MSG(reimu, "I did say you could just let me through, you know.");
MSG(reimu, "You could have just let me through, you know.");
MSG(cirno, "I don’t remember that! You broke the rules! I wasn’t ready yet…");
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The "I don't remember that" line makes little sense now… remember what?

@StarWitch StarWitch marked this pull request as ready for review April 10, 2023 14:56
@Akaricchi Akaricchi merged commit 38c334e into master Apr 10, 2023
@Akaricchi Akaricchi deleted the dialog-edits-2023 branch August 30, 2024 10:25
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2 participants