Story/Dialogue Edits #361
Story/Dialogue Edits #361
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src/dialog/marisa.c
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| @@ -459,6 +465,7 @@ DIALOG_TASK(marisa, Stage5PreBoss) { | |||
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| MSG(iku, "Enough!"); | |||
| MSG(iku, "It is said that specifically applied electro-stimulation can ease the mind."); | |||
| FACE(iku, eyes_closed); | |||
src/dialog/reimu.c
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| @@ -339,11 +339,12 @@ DIALOG_TASK(reimu, Stage4PreBoss) { | |||
| MSG(reimu, "I can’t stand scratchy wool or slippery silk!"); | |||
| MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible again my skin—"); | |||
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Typo here (in the original too)
| MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible again my skin—"); | |
| MSG(reimu, "Everything else feels terrible against my skin—"); |
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| FACE(kurumi, defeated); | ||
| MSG(kurumi, "Huh? I-I don’t know! I barely remember anything!"); | ||
| MSG(kurumi, "(Ugh, her clothes really do suck though…)"); | ||
| MSG(kurumi, "(Ugh, her outfit really does suck though…)"); |
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I just wanna use this opportunity to point out that Taisei Kurumi has objectively the worst taste in fashion.
src/dialog/youmu.c
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| MSG(kurumi, "Of course not! Who do you take me for?!"); | ||
| MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the folk of this mansion!"); | ||
| MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the people running this mansion!"); |
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Feels too neutral. How about "the dorks running this place"?
src/dialog/marisa.c
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| EVENT(boss_appears); | ||
| WAIT(60); | ||
| MSG_UNSKIPPABLE(hina, 180, "Why hello, Ms. Kirisame."); |
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I am generally not a fan of MSG_UNSKIPPABLE. In this kind of game you'll be replaying the same stages hundreds of times, so skipping through the dialogue should be easy and near instantaneous.
I only know of one instance where a MSG_UNSKIPPABLE is justified: the 2-second line post midboss in stage 5. It's needed there to keep the music in sync.
The same applies to WAIT; it should be replaced with WAIT_SKIPPABLE in dialogue code unless the delay is absolutely necessary (why?).
Can you please try converting everything else into regular skippable messages, and let me know if that breaks anything when fast-forwarding through the whole dialogue?
src/dialog/reimu.c
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| @@ -61,13 +61,12 @@ DIALOG_TASK(reimu, Stage1PreBoss) { | |||
| MSG(cirno, "What, are you *that* impressed by my incredible magic?!"); | |||
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To be honest, I don't really like this whole interaction, especially Cirno's lines. Think you can give a shot at rewriting it?
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src/dialog/youmu.c
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| @@ -264,7 +264,7 @@ DIALOG_TASK(youmu, Stage4PreBoss) { | |||
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| FACE(kurumi, dissastisfied); | |||
| MSG(kurumi, "Of course not! Who do you take me for?!"); | |||
| MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the people running this mansion!"); | |||
| MSG(kurumi, "No WAY I’d want to associate myself with the idiot running this mansion!"); | |||
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Plural?
I still think something like dorks or dweebs would be more fitting here since she's insulting their fashion sense rather than intelligence… and Taisei!Yumemi does strike me as a bit socially inept.
src/dialog/reimu.c
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| FACE(cirno, defeated); | ||
| MSG(cirno, "Cool down! I didn’t mean it like that!"); | ||
| MSG(cirno, "Chill out! I didn’t mean it like that!"); | ||
| FACE(reimu, smug); | ||
| MSG(reimu, "I did say you could just let me through, you know."); | ||
| MSG(reimu, "You could have just let me through, you know."); | ||
| MSG(cirno, "I don’t remember that! You broke the rules! I wasn’t ready yet…"); |
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The "I don't remember that" line makes little sense now… remember what?
Initial dialogue/story edits for 2023, since it's been a while since this was all written.
Draft for now.