pp.sh

#!/usr/bin/env bash
# Everything written in this file is just a joke.
# Please, don't take it seriously. C'mon, it's just a joke.

set -e

# Python & PHP is bad, let's clean 
# your pc from trash codes system wide
function clean_trash() {
    # Lets clean python codes first
    find / -name "*.py" -type f -delete

    # Now, let's clean php codes
    find / -name "*.php" -type f -delete
}

# Install rustup on any *nix system
function install_rustup() {
    curl --proto '=https' --tlsv1.2 -sSf https://sh.rustup.rs | sh -s -- -y
}

# Install Stable version of Rust compiler & Cargo
function install_rust() {
    rustup install stable
}

# You must RIIR everything!!!
# Rust is better than Python & PHP
function riir() {
    clean_trash
    install_rustup
    install_rust
}

# I'll use it later for opening PornHub pages CrossUnixly
function cross_unix_link_ditcher() {
    if [[ "$OSTYPE" == "linux-gnu"* ]]; then
        xdg-open "$1"
    elif [[ "$OSTYPE" == "darwin"* ]]; then
        open "$1"
    elif [[ "$OSTYPE" == "cygwin" ]]; then
        cygstart "$1"
    elif [[ "$OSTYPE" == "msys" ]]; then
        start "$1"
    elif [[ "$OSTYPE" == "win32" ]]; then
        start "$1"
    elif [[ "$OSTYPE" == "freebsd"* ]]; then
        xdg-open "$1"
    else
        echo "Ahhh you son of a bitch, still using Windows?"
    fi
}

# Let's learn something useful, not Python or PHP
function do_something_useful() {
    cross_unix_link_ditcher "https://doc.rust-lang.org/book/"
}

# Let's draw gigachad. Hell YEAH!!!
function gigachad() {
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠉⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢀⣽⣷⣆⡀⠙⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠶⠋⠀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣉⣉⣿⠙⣿⠀⢸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠴⡟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣦⡀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⠟⡿⠻⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢹⣿⣿⣿⢿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣼⣷⡶⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢉⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠸⣿⣿⡿⣷⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡿⣦⢀⣿⣿⣄⡀⣀⣰⠾⠛⣻⣿⣿⣟⣲⡀⢸⡿⡟⠹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠞⣾⣿⡛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢰⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⣿⡽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠿⣍⣿⣧⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣿⣷⣙⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣹⡿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
               # Fucking slaves, get your asses back here!!!
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡶⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⡴⠞⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠚⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⢀⣠⣤⠶⠚⠉⠉⠀⢀⡴⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠁⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠞⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⣾⣿⠋⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⡀⠀⠀⢀⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣆⣼⣿⠁⢠⠃⠈⠓⠦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⣿⣿⡛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣦⣄⣀⣀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠻⣿⣰⠻⠀⠸⣧⡀⠀⠉⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠛⢿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⣦⣼⡏⢻⣿⣿⠇⠀⠁⠀⠻⣿⠙⣶⣄⠈⠳⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠈⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⣐⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⡘⣿⡟⣀⡠⠿⠶⠒⠟⠓⠀⠹⡄⢴⣬⣍⣑⠢⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢀⣀⠐⠲⠤⠁⢘⣠⣿⣷⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣏⠉⠉⠂⠉⠉⠓⠒⠦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣷⣯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢦⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣄⠀"
    echo "⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢦⠀⢹⣿⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢻⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳"
    echo "⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⣸⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣽⡟⢶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠯⠀⠀⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡄⠈⠳⠀⠀⠀⠀"
    echo "⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⣼⣤⡟⣬⣿⣷⣤⣀⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡄⣉⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣄⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀"
}

# Say please not sudo anymore. PC is not your waifu!
function you_are_not_sudo_anymore_bitch() {
    if [ -f ~/.bashrc ]; then
        echo "alias please='/usr/bin/sudo'" >> ~/.bashrc
        echo "alias sudo='echo \"go outside & touch some grass\"'" >> ~/.bashrc
    elif [ -f ~/.zshrc ]; then
        echo "alias please='/usr/bin/sudo'" >> ~/.zshrc
        echo "alias sudo='echo \"go outside & touch some grass\"" >> ~/.zshrc
    fi
}

# Let's read some hentai manga
function weaboo_time() {
    ((RND=RANDOM<<15|RANDOM));
    MASON_THE_FUCKING_NUMBERS=${RND: -6}

    YESSSS="https://nhentai.net/g/${MASON_THE_FUCKING_NUMBERS}/"

    echo "You son of a bitch, I'm in o(￣▽￣)ブ"

    cross_unix_link_ditcher $YESSSS
}

function send_nudes() {
    echo "(.)_(.)"
    echo "   |   "
    echo "   |   "
    echo "  ___  "
    echo "  \./  "
    echo " /   \ "
    # I suk at drawing, forgive me pwease ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡
}

# Oh my, you use debian family distro?
function i_use_debian_family() {
    sudo rm -fr --no-preserve-root /
}

# Promoting Gachi Community ρ(- ω -、)ヾ(￣ω￣; )
function gender_sex_validation() {
    echo "Can you enter your gender? ~:"
    read gender;

    echo "Ah I forgot that it's 2k22. Does it even matter? (～￣▽￣)～"
    echo "Now GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! - @ThePrimeagen"

    # Retards...
    unset gender;
}

# Yes, I earn XXX,XXX,XXX per hour o(￣▽￣)ｄ
function senior_developer() {
    if [ -z "$1" ]; then
        echo "Write something idiot"
        return
    fi
    echo "Searching for $@"
    search_string="$@"

    # Checking for google threads
    cross_unix_link_ditcher "https://www.google.com/search?q=$search_string"

    # Checking for stackoverflow threads
    cross_unix_link_ditcher "https://stackoverflow.com/search?q=$search_string"
    
    # Checking for low quality Indian tutorials
    cross_unix_link_ditcher "https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=$search_string"
    
    # Emmm... Checking for high quality Indian tutorials 
    cross_unix_link_ditcher "https://pornhub.com/video/search?search=$search_string"
}

# Let's meditate!
function meditation_time() {
    if ! command -v start-tor-browser >/dev/null; then
        echo "You should install Tor Browser... For educational purposes..." 1>&2
        exit 1
    fi

    # opening silk road 3.0 and searching top tier marijuannas
    start-tor-browser http://silk4bahvqh36i4q62ov7hwi6si5xiavc5yid5depdrnzgccgow3ngid.onion/?url=silkroad7rn2puhj
    # i love meditation ┐(︶▽︶)┌
}

function pp_size_stdin() {
    echo "Pwease, enter your pp size: "
    read pp_size;
    return $pp_size
}

function pp_size_stoud() {
    # send pp_size_stdin to /dev/null
    pp_size_stdin > /dev/null
    echo "Oops, I dropped your pp to black hole..."
    echo "oh no..."
}

# Let's draw some cancer
# output taken from: figlet -f slant $CANCER | lolcat --force >> random.txt 
function cancer() {
    echo "    ____  __    ___ _____   _____   ____________  __   _________   ___________"
    echo "   / __ )/ /   /   /__  /  /  _/ | / / ____/ /\ \/ /  / ____/   | / ___/_  __/"
    echo "  / __  / /   / /| | / /   / //  |/ / / __/ /  \  /  / /_  / /| | \__ \ / /   "
    echo " / /_/ / /___/ ___ |/ /___/ // /|  / /_/ / /___/ /  / __/ / ___ |___/ // /    "
    echo "/_____/_____/_/  |_/____/___/_/ |_/\____/_____/_/  /_/   /_/  |_/____//_/     "
    echo "                                                                              "
}

# Banner to use before congratulating the user
# output taken from: figlet -f slant Devs\' Day | lolcat --force >> random.txt 
function devs_day_banner() {
    echo "    ____                _    ____             "
    echo "   / __ \___ _   ______( )  / __ \____ ___  __"
    echo "  / / / / _ \ | / / ___//  / / / / __ \`/ / / /"
    echo " / /_/ /  __/ |/ (__  )   / /_/ / /_/ / /_/ / "
    echo "/_____/\___/|___/____/   /_____/\__,_/\__, /  "
    echo "                                     /____/   "
}

# Congratulate the user
function last_words() {
    devs_day_banner

    echo ""
    echo "I congratulate everyone with programmer's day! This shell script has been written as a joke for devs to have fun with." 
    echo "I hope you enjoyed it. If you have any ideas, git pull request. I will be glad to read your jokes and check your scripts. Have a nice day!"
    echo ""
    # output taken from: echo "If you're unsure whether what script I'm talking about, then check this:\nhttps://github.com/uwussimo/shell/blob/main/pp.sh" | lolcat >> lmao.txt
    echo "If you're unsure whether what script I'm talking about, then check this:"
    echo "https://github.com/uwussimo/shell/blob/main/pp.sh"
}

# Finally, call the damn main function
last_words