Test1.srt

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[drumming]

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[music]

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[alarm sound]

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[music]

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So...?

6
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Well, professor, I was hoping I could talk to you about your research?

7
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What for? It's all on my webpage.

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Yeah...

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Well, sir, I'm a first-year masters student,

10
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and I was hoping I could do a Ph.D. in your research area--

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And you want me to fund you and be your thesis advisor.

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Yeah, uh, here's all the work I've done.  As you can see, I have some ideas--

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Yeah. Listen, let me tell you how this works.

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Being a Ph.D. student, working with an professor,

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it's a lot like a marriage.

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Whole thing typically lasts five to seven years,

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fifty percent of them end in a bitter divorce,

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and it all culminates in a big ceremony

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where you walk down the aisle wearing a fancy gown.

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But sir, I--, I joined this program specifically to work in your research group.

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I mean, I graduated at the top of my class--

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Well that's nice-- So did the other seven master's students

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waiting outside my door right now.

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You're in the upper echelons of academia now.

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Very few make it to the top.

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Like a pyramid scheme?

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Well it is pyramidal in shape, yes.

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This may sound cruel, but we in academia,

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we stand at the cutting edge between humanity and the great abyss.

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Between ignorance and truth.

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Who else are you going to trust to tell you the difference?

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The politicians?

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Wall Street? The media?  Please.

34
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Well, but sir, what if I can't find a professor who will take me?

35
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If you're that desperate to work in a lab,

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I suppose our floors could use a good mopping.

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Well I mean, what if I don't make it as  Ph. D. student? What am I gonna do?

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I don't have a backup plan.

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I suppose you could try, uh, a lesser institution?

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MIT, perhaps?

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What I'm saying is,

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maybe you should look around a little.

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[music]

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Morning, Tajel!

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Hey, Cecilia-- Goodness gracious, what are you wearing?

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What, this?  It's my favorite shirt!  I got it free my freshman year.

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It reminds me of a simpler time,

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of my dream to come to grad school and make a difference with my research.

49
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So, what happened to that dream?

50
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It's stained and crumbling, kinda like this shirt.

51
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Are you going to a rally?

52
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Yes.  Today we're protesting poor living conditions

53
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for an underprivileged and exploited minority.

54
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Sounds serious.  Who is it?

55
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Us! Graduate students!

56
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Did you know that it pays more to work at McDonalds

57
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than to get a Ph.D. from a major university?

58
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Wow.  Is that true?

59
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Totally.  I read it on Wikipedia.

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Hey!  Today's my first day as a teaching assistant for Professor Chu's class.

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Oh really? I thought you were fully funded already.

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True, I don't have to TA, but I'm really excited about it.

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I watched Dead Poet's Society last night for inspiration.

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You know that movie doesn't end well.

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That's why I came to grad school--to make a difference,

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to challenge young minds and inspire them.

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Anyways, at least it'll look good when I apply for faculty positions.

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They value teaching experience...right?

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Maybe it's time for a new shirt.

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[music]

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[music]

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[sighs]  [music]

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Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.  The last meeting I was at ran over a little bit.

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I'm really sorry.

75
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I'm so happy to meet you.  Can you tell me about yourself?

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Oh, uh, Professor, I was hoping that I could talk to you about your research?

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Okay.   Good.

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Yeah, I've-- um, I--, I was hoping that--

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"[phone rings]
-- maybe we might be able to --"

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Marcy!  You know I'm in a meeting.

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Oh, ok.  Ohh, D. C. tomorrow!  Ok.  Just a moment.

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Okay.

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I don't have time!

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"Oh!  Right!  Yes, I'll be right there.
[music]"

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Welcome everybody.  I'm Professor Chu.

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For this class, your T. A. is Cecilia,

87
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one of my best and brightest students!

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She is being considered for a faculty position at Berkeley right now.

89
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Ok.  Computer Science:  how did we get away with calling it science?

90
00:07:48,831 --> 00:07:52,582
Um, hello Professor.  Um, uh, I was taking a look

91
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at some of your papers, and I think that I might...

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...be able...uh...

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Who are you?

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Oh, I'm uh-- I'm uh, a grad student--

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[loud snoring]

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...and I, uh...

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Back in my days, we did not have sixty-four bits.

98
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Not even six bits.  We barely had one bit.

99
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And, we did all experiments--everything!--with zero only.

100
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And, it upsampled both ways, left and right.

101
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Yes, I would love to take you as my Ph. D. student.

102
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Really?

103
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Absolutely.  Your coursework and experience are perfect for my research interests.

104
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Well that, uh, that's great.  I cannot tell you how hard--

105
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Unfortunately, I just got denied tenure.

106
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What?

107
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They're kicking me out!  I guess getting published

108
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in the journal Science and landing a fifteen-million-dollar contract

109
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isn't enough around here.

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But--

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Ok, granted, it was only the Letters section, and I was

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the fourteenth co-author on that grant.

113
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Anyways, I'm moving to the middle of the country

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to work for a third-tier institution.

115
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I can bring you with me if you like!

116
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Um...?

117
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Uh, Miss T. A.?

118
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Oh, just call me Cecilia.

119
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Uh, yeah.  Hey, can I get an extension?

120
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On what?

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The homework...

122
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We haven't assigned any yet.  It's the first day of class.

123
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Oh, um, then can I get an extension on the extension?

124
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I suppose... Why?  Is something the matter?

125
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Uhh...well, I'm just kind of, uh...

126
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...super busy right now.  I've got, uh, classes and stuff.

127
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Yeah, of course.  No problem.  I'm here to help you guys.

128
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"Oh captain, my captain!"

129
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Yeah.

130
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Hey, uh, can I get an extension?

131
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I guess--are you super busy too?

132
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Yeah, kinda.  My boyfriend just proposed to me!

133
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And we all went out to celebrate.

134
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So now I'm way too excited to go to class.

135
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Uh, okay.

136
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Cool, thanks!

137
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Can I also maybe get an extension because I am very very very hungry...

138
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Hey, Dad.  Yeah, uh, grad school's going...great.

139
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Yeah, I'm actually doing an independent study for a professor.

140
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It's called, "Workspace Augmentation of Photon Impingement Through Impurities Removal"

141
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Technically, it means that I'm paying the university

142
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to do free work for them.

143
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Yeah, but Professor Smith says that if I do a good job

144
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he might tentatively consider possibly thinking about

145
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taking me on as a Ph. D. student.

146
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How long before I finish my Ph. D.?

147
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Uh, well... Yeah, yeah, I know you told all your friends

148
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I was gonna be a doctor.

149
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You didn't tell them I was gonna be a medical doctor, did you?

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[music]

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[knocks]

152
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[commotion inside]

153
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"Yeah?
--Are you Mike Slackenerny?"

154
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Maybe--who's asking?

155
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I'm a new student with Professor Smith's lab

156
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and they told me to come talk to you?

157
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Ah, new guy.  Hold a sec.

158
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Let's go.

159
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Okay, the first lesson in being a Ph. D. student

160
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is learning about the most important thing in a Ph.D. student's life.

161
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It surrounds us, it binds us,

162
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flows through us, and gives us life.

163
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You mean, the Force?

164
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The free food!

165
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Okay, act casual.

166
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Is this food for us?

167
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Nah, it's for the Special Relativity Seminar,

168
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but they're always losing track of time.

169
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You want some?

170
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No thanks.

171
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You see, free food's about a lot more than just getting a free meal.

172
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It's about opportunity,

173
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and how you're wasting it coming to grad school

174
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instead of getting a real job and earning a decent living.

175
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Did you know there are over

176
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five thousand janitors in this country with a Ph. D.?

177
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So you might as well eat the free food--am I right?

178
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Welcome to the Smith Lab.

179
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[angelic choir music]

180
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Uh, don't I need a labcoat?

181
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Suit yourself.

182
00:13:50,582 --> 00:13:53,039
So, do you feel more science-y now?

183
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Yeah, I picked the only labcoat that seems clean.

184
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Ah, that's Professor Smith's.

185
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Won't he need it when he works at the lab, though?

186
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[laughter]

187
00:14:04,498 --> 00:14:06,249
Oh man.  Let me introduce you around the group.

188
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That's Carlos.

189
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'Sup.

190
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,123
That's Deva.  He already has a Ph. D. from his home country,

191
00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:14,375
but the only job he could get there was as a taxi driver.

192
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The tips are better here!

193
00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:19,291
That's Sean, but everybody calls him Golden Boy.

194
00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:22,456
Guys, I keep telling you--I'm not Professor Smith's favorite.

195
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Ask him what he did last weekend.

196
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:26,831
I went hiking with Professor Smith.

197
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What?

198
00:14:28,498 --> 00:14:31,957
And that's Allison.  She's #2 on the lab hierarchy.

199
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Basically, I do all the crap around here nobody else wants to do.

200
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The lab motto is:

201
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:38,291
"Why do something today,

202
00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:41,708
when you can get Allison to do it for you tomorrow?"

203
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:46,375
So, uh, how's your research going?

204
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:51,249
Don't you know you're never supposed to ask a grad student that question?

205
00:14:51,831 --> 00:14:53,708
It's just rude.

206
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000
Uh, how's your thesis going?

207
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,123
Come on, why don't you just ask her weight and age while you're at it? Gosh!

208
00:15:06,666 --> 00:15:09,915
This is the fume hood, a.k.a. the community storage closet.

209
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That chemical will kill you instantly.

210
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,582
That one will kill you eventually.

211
00:15:18,039 --> 00:15:21,540
That one will dissolve all the bones in your body.

212
00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:27,498
And don't even look at that one if you're ever planning on having kids.

213
00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:33,414
And those two--uh-oh--should not be that close together.

214
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,708
And this is The Machine.

215
00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:43,165
[scary music]

216
00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:50,333
I've always wanted to work on the cutting edge of technology.

217
00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:52,333
It was cutting edge when I started.

218
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:54,333
Why waste a million dollars on a newer model

219
00:15:54,666 --> 00:15:57,375
when it's cheaper to just waste a million grad student hours?

220
00:15:57,750 --> 00:15:59,456
Which brings us to our business.

221
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Professor Smith has asked me to teach you how to use it,

222
00:16:03,165 --> 00:16:04,873
but I have to warn you, learning to use it

223
00:16:05,249 --> 00:16:06,831
will make you more indispensable to the lab,

224
00:16:07,165 --> 00:16:09,165
but it will also make everyone else come to you with their projects.

225
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,708
Do you accept this great responsibility?

226
00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:14,624
I do.

227
00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:19,915
Ok, well, here is the manual.

228
00:16:23,207 --> 00:16:24,831
That's it?

229
00:16:25,207 --> 00:16:28,750
Okay, you want to know the real secret to making this thing work?

230
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It took my first decade in grad school to figure that out.

231
00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:38,291
So, congratulations.  Here is your immunity idol.

232
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You can't get kicked off the island now.

233
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,666
Welcome to the Lab.

234
00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:44,333
Hey Mike!

235
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Do you have any more advice?

236
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:49,333
Yeah, don't go for your Ph. D.

237
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[music]

238
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"Hi, Cecilia!
-- Oh, hi!"

239
00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:07,456
"Hey, Cecilia!
-- Hi!"

240
00:17:07,873 --> 00:17:09,873
Would you like to dance?

241
00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:25,333
Looks like you need some help.

242
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:27,249
Oh.

243
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:29,540
Thanks.

244
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:35,207
Actually, I don't really know how to dance this.

245
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:38,375
Ah, well, it's easy. It's the triple step.

246
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,666
You take three steps in syncopation.

247
00:17:40,915 --> 00:17:42,081
Syncopation?

248
00:17:42,414 --> 00:17:45,039
It just means quickly.  So you start with your left foot forward.

249
00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:47,540
"Your left?
-- Uh-huh, always the left"

250
00:17:47,789 --> 00:17:50,498
Forward, back, now cha cha cha.

251
00:17:51,831 --> 00:17:53,831
Forward, back, cha cha cha!

252
00:17:54,456 --> 00:17:55,666
Forward, back--

253
00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:57,708
"Cha cha cha!
-- There you go!"

254
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,831
I take it you're not a regular at the club?

255
00:18:00,081 --> 00:18:02,624
No, this is the first time.  Can you tell?

256
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,915
Well, it's just a practice session.

257
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:06,915
We're really gearing up for the big competition next term.

258
00:18:07,249 --> 00:18:09,249
Wow, I didn't know it was so popular.

259
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,750
Actually, I read a study once that said that people who are normally

260
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,039
more uncomfortable in social situations really love ballroom dancing.

261
00:18:15,456 --> 00:18:17,456
It's a more structured form of interaction.

262
00:18:17,915 --> 00:18:20,081
There's an agreed-upon set of rules, and if you follow them,

263
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,873
you're pretty much guaranteed not to embarrass yourself.

264
00:18:23,249 --> 00:18:25,039
And what are these rules?

265
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:28,249
First of all, if someone asks you to dance, you shouldn't say no.

266
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:31,873
Also, you can't ask the same person to dance twice in a row.

267
00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:36,039
And, you have an out.  When the song stops, the dance is over.

268
00:18:36,666 --> 00:18:40,750
They don't play tracks continuously like they do at other clubs

269
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:45,291
Doesn't 'syncopation' mean 'out of sync'?

270
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:50,414
Uh, no.  It just means 'unexpected.'

271
00:18:52,873 --> 00:18:55,750
Oh, I think I have to dance with someone else now.

272
00:18:56,498 --> 00:18:59,414
Oh, well, there is a loophole to the rule.

273
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,165
Oh there is?

274
00:19:01,456 --> 00:19:04,873
If I ask you to dance, it's not the same as you asking me twice.

275
00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,333
I'd love to.

276
00:19:08,249 --> 00:19:12,789
Oh, there's the rumba.  Maybe we should just watch this one.

277
00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:24,831
People always talk about the tango in ballroom dance,

278
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:29,039
but I think the rumba's much more interesting.

279
00:19:30,915 --> 00:19:34,540
It's about the point in the relationship when two lovers are frustrated.

280
00:19:35,165 --> 00:19:39,207
They love each other, but they can't stand each other.

281
00:19:40,081 --> 00:19:41,831
See how they push and pull?

282
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:45,333
There's so much longing and angst in their movement.

283
00:19:46,249 --> 00:19:50,249
Besides, look at it.  It's so beautiful.

284
00:19:52,789 --> 00:19:56,582
The key to dancing is finding the right impedance match between two partners.

285
00:19:57,291 --> 00:20:01,750
It's about not losing momentum.

286
00:20:02,456 --> 00:20:04,456
It's about finding the right resonant frequencies,

287
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:09,249
close enough to each other, so that you don't lose energy.

288
00:20:11,957 --> 00:20:13,123
What's your major?

289
00:20:13,456 --> 00:20:16,915
Um, oh, it's hard to define.  Dynamic computing stuff.

290
00:20:17,414 --> 00:20:18,582
And how's that going?

291
00:20:18,873 --> 00:20:20,873
Oh, you know, losing momentum.

292
00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:24,333
Falling out of sync with my advisor.  You?

293
00:20:25,414 --> 00:20:27,915
Well, uh, I don't know.  I haven't decided yet.

294
00:20:28,207 --> 00:20:29,873
I'm undeclared.

295
00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:31,873
You're what?

296
00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,165
Undeclared.

297
00:20:33,414 --> 00:20:35,414
You're an undergrad?

298
00:20:36,081 --> 00:20:38,081
[loud gasps]

299
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:57,666
[music]

300
00:20:59,498 --> 00:21:02,582
I'm telling you, it was working perfectly,

301
00:21:03,123 --> 00:21:05,666
then he walked in, asked for a demo,

302
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000
and "Poof!"  It stopped working.

303
00:21:08,456 --> 00:21:10,000
I've been there.

304
00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:11,624
And of course, as soon as he walked out of the room,

305
00:21:11,957 --> 00:21:13,957
it started working again.

306
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,582
That's the Professor Smith Negation Field.

307
00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:20,456
Anything within a five foot radius of him magically stops working.

308
00:21:21,123 --> 00:21:22,498
He's a walking Bermuda Triangle.

309
00:21:22,873 --> 00:21:25,831
It'll get you every time.

310
00:21:28,708 --> 00:21:30,039
"Hey!
-- Hey, Sean."

311
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:31,333
Is this your first group meeting?

312
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:32,666
Yeah.

313
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,666
I see you brought a graph--nice!

314
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,915
I actually just got it.  It was, uh--, I pulled an all-nighter.

315
00:21:39,789 --> 00:21:41,789
"Ouch.
-- Yeah."

316
00:21:57,165 --> 00:21:58,456
[footsteps]

317
00:21:59,249 --> 00:22:02,831
Guys! That sounds like Professor Smith's footsteps!

318
00:22:04,414 --> 00:22:06,123
Afternoon, gentlemen!

319
00:22:06,582 --> 00:22:09,249
"Ahem!
-- And Allison."

320
00:22:09,498 --> 00:22:12,750
So, I've got some good news and some bad news.

321
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:15,375
The good news is that we've been invited to submit a paper

322
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:17,915
to a prestigious conference in Hawaii.

323
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,831
Yes!

324
00:22:20,249 --> 00:22:23,498
The bad news is that one of you is going to have to write that paper.

325
00:22:24,123 --> 00:22:27,039
And the deadline is tonight.

326
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:31,414
Also, I'll be the one going to Hawaii, not you.

327
00:22:32,414 --> 00:22:34,123
So I guess the good news only applies to me.

328
00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:36,666
So, I'd like to remind everyone

329
00:22:37,165 --> 00:22:40,750
that the symposium we're hosting is now only a month away.

330
00:22:41,375 --> 00:22:43,375
Everyone in our field will be coming to campus,

331
00:22:44,207 --> 00:22:46,207
well, at least the ones I invited,

332
00:22:46,666 --> 00:22:49,498
and that includes representatives from all of the agencies

333
00:22:49,915 --> 00:22:51,375
that fund our work.

334
00:22:51,708 --> 00:22:54,123
So, I'll expect to see all of you from now on in the lab

335
00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:56,414
working nights and weekends.

336
00:22:57,039 --> 00:23:00,039
In addition to days and weekdays.

337
00:23:00,789 --> 00:23:02,291
What about holidays?

338
00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:04,540
Holidays are only for normal people.

339
00:23:05,123 --> 00:23:07,123
Anyone who considers themselves only normal,

340
00:23:08,414 --> 00:23:11,000
you're welcome to find another research group.

341
00:23:11,540 --> 00:23:13,540
So--

342
00:23:13,915 --> 00:23:15,915
How's research?

343
00:23:17,081 --> 00:23:19,624
Avoid eye contact!

344
00:23:21,624 --> 00:23:22,873
You!

345
00:23:23,249 --> 00:23:25,123
I don't remember your name right at the moment,

346
00:23:25,414 --> 00:23:27,000
but tell me how your research is going.

347
00:23:27,333 --> 00:23:29,333
Oh, I, um--, uhh, well--

348
00:23:33,750 --> 00:23:37,333
Well, I've been trying to, uh, develop an analytical formulation

349
00:23:38,456 --> 00:23:40,456
for-- [loud snoring] ...that thing I was working on, but--

350
00:23:41,915 --> 00:23:45,123
[snoring continues] ...the problem is... that...

351
00:23:52,123 --> 00:23:53,831
I'm still waiting!

352
00:23:54,123 --> 00:23:58,207
Oh, well, see, I don't really know what to do about the boundary conditions, because well...

353
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:02,915
Oh! Before I forget,

354
00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:05,498
there's a large amount of money in our discretionary budget

355
00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,414
that we need to spend.  Otherwise, we lose it.

356
00:24:09,582 --> 00:24:12,291
Any suggestions?

357
00:24:13,624 --> 00:24:15,414
Uh, you could give us raises?

358
00:24:15,750 --> 00:24:17,750
I said spend the money, not waste it.

359
00:24:19,165 --> 00:24:20,873
We could get a new lab fridge?

360
00:24:21,081 --> 00:24:22,375
What's wrong with the current one?

361
00:24:22,750 --> 00:24:25,831
[alarms sounding]

362
00:24:26,873 --> 00:24:28,333
They're threatening to come with HazMat suits and remove it.

363
00:24:29,123 --> 00:24:31,123
[sighs]

364
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:36,957
Uh, we could use it to update the machine I'm using?

365
00:24:41,165 --> 00:24:43,165
Okay.  Do it.

366
00:24:44,957 --> 00:24:46,789
But I'll expect groundbreaking results in time for the symposium.

367
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:49,123
Yes.

368
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:51,750
Or else.  I'll be coming by in a few weeks for a demonstration.

369
00:25:00,291 --> 00:25:04,498
Beware the Negation Field...

370
00:25:05,582 --> 00:25:27,582
[music]

371
00:25:34,456 --> 00:26:00,456
[music]

372
00:26:04,291 --> 00:26:07,456
[knocking]  I'm looking for CS 101 office hours?

373
00:26:07,708 --> 00:26:09,249
That's me!

374
00:26:09,498 --> 00:26:11,498
Sweet.

375
00:26:12,789 --> 00:26:14,333
I need help with the homework.

376
00:26:14,582 --> 00:26:16,000
Of course.  That's why I'm here.

377
00:26:16,333 --> 00:26:18,000
Uh, what did you have trouble with?

378
00:26:18,333 --> 00:26:19,831
All of it.

379
00:26:20,165 --> 00:26:21,789
Okay, uh, let's see what you got.

380
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:24,039
I haven't actually done any of it.

381
00:26:24,873 --> 00:26:26,375
Oh.

382
00:26:26,666 --> 00:26:28,414
I tried Problem 1.

383
00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:30,582
Okay, well what did you do in this problem?

384
00:26:30,831 --> 00:26:32,750
I did Problem 1.

385
00:26:33,039 --> 00:26:36,750
I know that. Uh, what's this number that you have here?

386
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,333
That's a seven.

387
00:26:39,582 --> 00:26:42,456
I can see it's a seven.  How did you compute it?

388
00:26:43,123 --> 00:26:44,666
I--, I used the formula.

389
00:26:44,957 --> 00:26:46,666
The formula for what?

390
00:26:46,957 --> 00:26:48,957
For Problem 1.

391
00:26:49,291 --> 00:26:52,789
Yes, but what does that formula compute?

392
00:26:54,414 --> 00:26:56,333
Seven?

393
00:26:56,624 --> 00:26:58,123
Seven what?

394
00:26:58,414 --> 00:27:00,414
Seven...point zero?

395
00:27:01,915 --> 00:27:03,915
I mean, what units?

396
00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:06,375
Meters?

397
00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:08,666
That would violate the laws of physics.

398
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,582
Hertz.

399
00:27:10,873 --> 00:27:13,207
Okay.  How did you compute seven hertz?

400
00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:17,831
Well, you put the numbers into it and that's what you get.

401
00:27:18,624 --> 00:27:21,207
But what does it represent?

402
00:27:22,081 --> 00:27:24,666
The answer?

403
00:27:25,081 --> 00:27:27,081
But why did you get that answer?

404
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:29,333
Because the problem asked for it.

405
00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:31,582
Aren't you supposed to help me?

406
00:27:31,915 --> 00:27:33,456
[knocking]

407
00:27:33,915 --> 00:27:36,333
Um, hi.  I forgot to get the lecture in handout today?

408
00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:41,123
I mean, I forgot to get the handout in lecture today.

409
00:27:45,249 --> 00:27:47,123
Is the answer seven?

410
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,000
I can't tell you that directly.

411
00:27:49,333 --> 00:27:52,207
Is it true you're going to Berkeley to become a professor?

412
00:27:52,498 --> 00:27:55,165
Uhh, yeah.  It looks like it.

413
00:27:56,123 --> 00:28:01,249
Uh, ok, ok.  Is fourteen the answer times two?

414
00:28:02,708 --> 00:28:06,957
How 'bout, touch your nose if the answer is seven,

415
00:28:08,081 --> 00:28:12,873
and pull your ear if it's thirty-two.

416
00:28:14,123 --> 00:28:16,789
"Is this gonna be on the test?
-- It might."

417
00:28:17,039 --> 00:28:18,540
"Will the test be on a curve?
-- Maybe."

418
00:28:18,873 --> 00:28:20,789
"Will I need to know this formula?
-- That would be advisable."

419
00:28:21,081 --> 00:28:23,498
Yeah, I seriously don't understand why I even need to know this stuff.

420
00:28:23,831 --> 00:28:27,414
I'm pre-med.  I'm gonna be, you know, a real doctor.

421
00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:30,081
The fact that real human lives are gonna depend on you one day

422
00:28:30,540 --> 00:28:32,540
really scares me.

423
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:33,873
Can I...

424
00:28:35,414 --> 00:28:36,915
...have...

425
00:28:37,291 --> 00:28:39,123
...an extension?

426
00:28:39,414 --> 00:28:40,873
[frustrated sigh]

427
00:28:42,000 --> 00:29:16,498
[music]

428
00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:20,456
"Aargh!
Why? Why am I doing this?"

429
00:29:20,831 --> 00:29:23,375
I have a college degree.  A monkey could do this!

430
00:29:24,081 --> 00:29:28,081
You know, in my country, they torture people with something very similar.

431
00:29:28,750 --> 00:29:31,414
Guys, guys, research is torture.

432
00:29:31,789 --> 00:29:34,165
They're trying to get the truth out of you.

433
00:29:34,456 --> 00:29:36,831
All of us, we were once like you,

434
00:29:37,249 --> 00:29:40,624
young, ambitions, excited about changing the world with our research.

435
00:29:41,249 --> 00:29:42,831
And now?

436
00:29:43,249 --> 00:29:45,249
And now, the highlight of our week is drinking free beer...

437
00:29:45,582 --> 00:29:48,000
while talking to the same people we've been talking to all week.

438
00:29:48,498 --> 00:29:54,498
It's happy hour! [music]

439
00:29:55,624 --> 00:29:58,414
Okay, let me explain the basic cliques around here.

440
00:29:59,291 --> 00:30:01,414
Over there, you've got your third years.

441
00:30:01,750 --> 00:30:04,498
They only care about qualifying exams.

442
00:30:05,081 --> 00:30:07,081
Then you have the departmental staff.

443
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:10,207
You want to be nice to them.

444
00:30:11,165 --> 00:30:14,123
Then, you got your cool grad students,

445
00:30:15,540 --> 00:30:17,957
the bitter post-docs,

446
00:30:18,333 --> 00:30:19,915
and then, there's Aaron.

447
00:30:20,333 --> 00:30:23,039
He's not cutting his beard 'til he finishes his thesis.

448
00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:26,375
My girlfriend left me.

449
00:30:27,081 --> 00:30:31,666
And then there's the faculty, with the first- and second-years schmoozing up to them.

450
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:34,750
It's like high school.

451
00:30:35,039 --> 00:30:36,582
Yes, but with much bigger egos.

452
00:30:36,873 --> 00:30:40,000
Whoa.  Is that Professor Smith's wife?

453
00:30:40,414 --> 00:30:42,789
She looks so nice.  Cheerful.

454
00:30:43,456 --> 00:30:45,123
They say opposites attract.

455
00:30:45,414 --> 00:30:47,414
Maybe she's a robot.

456
00:30:48,456 --> 00:30:51,291
Guys, I heard Professor Smith used to work in the circus.

457
00:30:51,456 --> 00:30:53,456
"What!?
-- It's true!"

458
00:30:53,750 --> 00:30:55,249
I heard it from one of the older grad students.

459
00:30:55,498 --> 00:30:57,123
And how did he know?

460
00:30:57,414 --> 00:30:59,498
He heard it from one of the grad students before him?

461
00:30:59,831 --> 00:31:04,039
Professor Smith:  the most unverifyably interesting man in the world!

462
00:31:06,873 --> 00:31:08,582
Hey, you guys talking about Brian?

463
00:31:08,915 --> 00:31:10,831
You call him by his first name?

464
00:31:11,123 --> 00:31:13,123
What?  That's how he signs his emails.

465
00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:16,414
Doesn't he sign his first name on your emails?

466
00:31:17,165 --> 00:31:20,375
Well, he's just kinda standing there, so I'm gonna go say something to him.

467
00:31:21,873 --> 00:31:24,957
Schmooze away.  Good luck!

468
00:31:35,750 --> 00:31:38,708
Nice weather we've been having, Professor Smith, huh?

469
00:31:40,666 --> 00:31:43,123
Small talk is for small minds.

470
00:31:46,123 --> 00:31:48,123
How's the project I assigned you going?

471
00:31:48,789 --> 00:31:50,789
Uh, slowly?

472
00:31:51,540 --> 00:31:53,540
It'll be ready in time for the symposium.

473
00:31:54,165 --> 00:31:56,165
Yeah, uh, of course.

474
00:31:57,456 --> 00:31:59,831
You know the difference between those who succeed in academia

475
00:32:00,081 --> 00:32:02,000
and those who don't?

476
00:32:02,375 --> 00:32:04,957
"Uhh...
-- It's ambition."

477
00:32:05,414 --> 00:32:07,414
You either have it,

478
00:32:08,207 --> 00:32:10,207
or you don't.

479
00:32:11,582 --> 00:32:13,375
Say, do you play squash?

480
00:32:13,708 --> 00:32:15,708
"Squash?
-- I need a new partner."

481
00:32:16,123 --> 00:32:20,249
"Well, I--
-- Splendid! We'll play next week."

482
00:32:21,333 --> 00:32:24,789
Hopefully you can dodge a racquet better than my last partner.

483
00:32:26,207 --> 00:32:29,000
Honey, I just saw the time.  I think the kids are waiting for us.

484
00:32:29,333 --> 00:32:35,000
Well, I think I've suffered enough happiness this hour.  I'll go get the car.

485
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:40,789
I'm, uh, one of Professor Smith's grad students.

486
00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:43,333
You know, Brian talks about you all the time.

487
00:32:43,582 --> 00:32:45,123
He does?

488
00:32:45,333 --> 00:32:48,957
Well, not really.  He's very bad at names.

489
00:32:50,207 --> 00:32:52,666
Don't let him fool you.

490
00:32:53,123 --> 00:32:57,249
He was once a graduate student too.

491
00:32:59,291 --> 00:33:01,789
She is not a robot!

492
00:33:02,414 --> 00:33:27,414
[music]

493
00:33:27,624 --> 00:33:30,498
You're playing squash with Professor Smith?

494
00:33:32,873 --> 00:33:35,708
Man, I wish I had that kind of relationship with Professor Smith.

495
00:33:37,081 --> 00:33:40,000
Brown-nosers!

496
00:33:41,789 --> 00:33:43,789
Don't let these babies with daddy issues distract you

497
00:33:44,291 --> 00:33:46,165
from what's really important:

498
00:33:46,375 --> 00:33:47,624
"Losing.
-- What?"

499
00:33:47,915 --> 00:33:49,915
Do not let Professor Smith lose.

500
00:33:51,249 --> 00:33:53,249
Do not let him lose.

501
00:33:54,540 --> 00:33:56,540
[toilet flushing]

502
00:33:57,915 --> 00:33:59,915
Oh, hold this.

503
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:03,789
That's not yours, is it?

504
00:34:04,081 --> 00:34:07,456
"Uh, no.
-- That's too bad. It's actually pretty good."

505
00:34:08,915 --> 00:34:11,624
So, you ready for a little friendly, gentlemanly competition?

506
00:34:11,915 --> 00:34:13,915
[boxing bell rings]

507
00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:16,165
Did you know that squash was invented by monks

508
00:34:16,414 --> 00:34:18,666
in the twelfth century in France?

509
00:34:18,873 --> 00:34:20,873
Here, help me stretch.

510
00:34:21,831 --> 00:34:24,165
They used leather gloves with webbing between the fingers

511
00:34:24,375 --> 00:34:26,624
and sticks to swat the ball around.

512
00:34:26,915 --> 00:34:29,873
It was further developed by prison inmates in the eighteenth century.

513
00:34:30,165 --> 00:34:33,249
There's not much to do when you're surrounded by four walls with no windows.

514
00:34:34,414 --> 00:34:37,291
Is that why labs are always in the basement?

515
00:34:37,498 --> 00:34:40,414
So, do you want to play by British Traditional or World Squash Federation rules?

516
00:34:42,333 --> 00:34:44,165
Either's fine.

517
00:34:44,456 --> 00:34:46,456
Ok.  Don't go easy on me now just because I'm your advisor.

518
00:34:46,831 --> 00:34:48,831
But remember, if I don't win,

519
00:34:49,039 --> 00:34:51,039
you're fired.

520
00:34:51,456 --> 00:34:54,873
Oh, I'm just joking with you.  There's no way you're gonna beat me.

521
00:34:55,123 --> 00:34:57,333
I'm gonna wipe the floor with you. [door closes]

522
00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:00,582
We have a lot in common with monks and prison inmates.

523
00:35:01,291 --> 00:35:02,915
In research, you work mainly in isolation.

524
00:35:03,165 --> 00:35:05,582
It should be the sole focus of your life.

525
00:35:05,873 --> 00:35:09,291
You need to eat, sleep, breathe your research.

526
00:35:10,414 --> 00:35:11,540
I'm allowed to sleep?

527
00:35:11,831 --> 00:35:14,750
Only the lie-awake-in-the-middle-of-the-night kind of sleep.

528
00:35:16,582 --> 00:35:20,000
I need your results on my desk by Monday.

529
00:35:22,249 --> 00:35:25,957
Well, uh, actually sir, I've been having some--, some problems--

530
00:35:28,789 --> 00:35:31,123
Let me give you some advice.

531
00:35:31,333 --> 00:35:34,750
In academia, we never use the word 'problems.'

532
00:35:35,249 --> 00:35:37,123
It's considered a sign of weakness.

533
00:35:37,333 --> 00:35:42,000
Call them...'challenges'--'issues,' if you must, but never 'problems.'

534
00:35:42,873 --> 00:35:44,540
I have issues.

535
00:35:44,873 --> 00:35:46,540
Not my problem.

536
00:35:46,831 --> 00:35:48,582
Are you using my methodology?

537
00:35:48,915 --> 00:35:51,039
"Yes.
-- So are you saying my method is wrong?"

538
00:35:51,375 --> 00:35:54,207
"No.
-- No it's not wrong, or no you're not saying it?"

539
00:35:55,081 --> 00:35:55,915
Yes?

540
00:35:56,375 --> 00:35:59,165
[sighs] Maybe I was too ambitious in setting the goals for this project.

541
00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:03,582
Or perhaps you just don't have what it takes

542
00:36:04,333 --> 00:36:06,333
to carry out the grandeur of my vision.

543
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,414
Guess which one I think it is?

544
00:36:09,915 --> 00:36:12,789
The fact that you can't make it work doesn't tell me it's impossible.

545
00:36:13,624 --> 00:36:16,123
It only tells me it's impossible for you.

546
00:36:16,333 --> 00:36:18,000
Isn't that the same?

547
00:36:18,291 --> 00:36:21,081
That's impossible to say.  Make it work,

548
00:36:21,666 --> 00:36:23,666
or there's no place for you in my research group.

549
00:36:24,165 --> 00:36:25,414
Yes.

550
00:36:25,789 --> 00:36:27,915
Okay, are you ready to play?

551
00:36:28,249 --> 00:36:36,498
[music]

552
00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:39,456
You're gonna play squash with Prof. Smith?

553
00:36:40,291 --> 00:36:43,582
Man, I wish I had that kind of relationship with Professor Smith.

554
00:36:45,165 --> 00:36:46,789
Brown-nosers!

555
00:36:47,123 --> 00:36:51,708
Do not -- do not -- do not let him lose.

556
00:36:52,831 --> 00:36:54,831
[screams]

557
00:36:55,291 --> 00:36:57,249
Professor Smith!

558
00:36:57,498 --> 00:36:59,498
Are you okay?

559
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,708
Uh, what's my name?

560
00:37:02,039 --> 00:37:04,039
Uhhh....

561
00:37:08,207 --> 00:37:10,207
Never mind.

562
00:37:11,081 --> 00:37:17,081
[music]

563
00:37:17,333 --> 00:37:19,333
Cecilia! Please, come in.

564
00:37:19,750 --> 00:37:21,957
Here are the papers for you to grade.

565
00:37:22,333 --> 00:37:25,456
Don't worry.  It will not be due until the seventeenth.

566
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,000
That's next Monday.

567
00:37:28,249 --> 00:37:29,666
Really?  Oh, then do it by Friday.

568
00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:31,333
Today is Friday.

569
00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:33,540
"Really?
-- I'll take care of it."

570
00:37:33,831 --> 00:37:35,831
Thank you.

571
00:37:37,123 --> 00:37:39,123
[phone rings]

572
00:37:44,081 --> 00:37:45,582
Hi, Mom.  Sorry, I can't talk right now.

573
00:37:45,915 --> 00:37:48,750
I have to grade these papers before dance practice tonight.

574
00:37:49,666 --> 00:37:52,375
Yeah, it's the last one before the competition.

575
00:37:53,123 --> 00:37:55,081
No, I don't think it should take too long.

576
00:37:55,456 --> 00:37:58,414
I mean, we went over this stuff, like, a million times in class, right?

577
00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:01,624
They should all get a perfect score!

578
00:38:01,831 --> 00:38:03,333
Wrong.

579
00:38:03,666 --> 00:38:05,666
Wrong, wrong, wrong.

580
00:38:06,249 --> 00:38:11,165
The problem is that to the university, we're in this weird limbo state.

581
00:38:11,624 --> 00:38:13,624
Are we students?  Employees? Neither?

582
00:38:14,039 --> 00:38:17,789
Do I give them seven points? Seven and a half points? Seven point seven five?

583
00:38:20,123 --> 00:38:21,789
Indentured servants?

584
00:38:22,081 --> 00:38:25,000
I want to make sure their grade accurately reflects their progress.

585
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,582
Good job.

586
00:38:27,873 --> 00:38:31,414
Anyways, I gotta go.  Professor Rivera wants to talk about my thesis topic.

587
00:38:32,414 --> 00:38:34,375
I thought you didn't have one.

588
00:38:34,750 --> 00:38:37,789
That's kind of what he wants to talk about.

589
00:38:38,582 --> 00:38:40,582
Good luck grading.

590
00:38:41,291 --> 00:38:43,291
[sighs]

591
00:38:44,039 --> 00:38:58,039
[music]

592
00:38:59,291 --> 00:39:01,957
Almost....done!

593
00:39:02,291 --> 00:39:07,000
[music]

594
00:39:07,750 --> 00:39:17,957
[music]

595
00:39:18,666 --> 00:39:20,456
"Oh!
[record scratch] I forgot!"

596
00:39:20,789 --> 00:39:22,789
Can you make the grades have a Gaussian distribution

597
00:39:23,165 --> 00:39:28,498
with a mean of 81.709 and standard deviation 12?

598
00:39:28,957 --> 00:39:31,081
So it will be easier to assign letter grades.

599
00:39:31,498 --> 00:39:33,498
Um, ok.

600
00:39:34,708 --> 00:39:38,039
By the way, I talked to the Berkeley hiring committee.

601
00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:42,957
You are on the top of their candidates.  I put in a lot of good word for you.

602
00:39:43,333 --> 00:39:45,333
Oh.  Thanks.

603
00:39:48,708 --> 00:39:51,333
Are you even in this class?

604
00:39:51,957 --> 00:39:57,123
"It's spelled ""you're"": y- o- u- '- r- e.
Not y-o-u-r!"

605
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:04,624
Hello!  Are you-- You didn't even put your name on the paper!

606
00:40:05,831 --> 00:40:07,831
[phone rings]

607
00:40:14,207 --> 00:40:17,414
Oh, I forgot.  Some of the students turned this in late.

608
00:40:17,831 --> 00:40:19,750
Could you grade them too?

609
00:40:20,039 --> 00:40:22,708
Come on, can't we just bury them?

610
00:40:22,957 --> 00:40:24,582
No, just your feelings.

611
00:40:25,249 --> 00:40:27,249
[music]

612
00:40:31,624 --> 00:40:33,624
What are you doing?

613
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,624
I'm stapling Taco Bell job applications to all of the papers.

614
00:40:38,456 --> 00:40:43,000
If undergrads are our future, we are all doomed.

615
00:40:43,915 --> 00:40:45,915
Cecilia!

616
00:40:46,708 --> 00:40:49,540
Hi, it's me, Julie!  Uh, we went to high school together?

617
00:40:49,831 --> 00:40:51,582
"Julie?
-- How are you?"

618
00:40:51,873 --> 00:40:53,333
Oh, wow.  What are you--

619
00:40:53,582 --> 00:40:54,831
I'm doing some consulting for the university.

620
00:40:55,207 --> 00:40:56,414
How funny that I should meet you here!

621
00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:58,750
Yeah, uh, I'm-- [phone rings]

622
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,375
Oh, I'm sorry, just a second.

623
00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:04,414
Hi honey!  Yes, I'm taking the early flight back in the morning.

624
00:41:05,498 --> 00:41:09,249
Ooh, seared salmon with lemon reduction--that sounds amazing!

625
00:41:09,831 --> 00:41:12,624
Say hi to the kids for me!  Bye.

626
00:41:13,831 --> 00:41:16,540
Jon's a bit of a chef.  Do you have any kids?

627
00:41:16,873 --> 00:41:18,249
Uh, no?

628
00:41:18,498 --> 00:41:19,498
Married?

629
00:41:19,750 --> 00:41:21,414
"No.
-- Seeing anyone?"

630
00:41:21,708 --> 00:41:23,123
No.

631
00:41:23,333 --> 00:41:25,249
Oh.  Well.

632
00:41:26,291 --> 00:41:27,456
You were the smartest person in our class.

633
00:41:27,789 --> 00:41:29,582
I bet you're off doing something amazing.

634
00:41:29,831 --> 00:41:33,081
Actually, I'm still in school.

635
00:41:33,708 --> 00:41:35,708
Oh.  Um.

636
00:41:38,039 --> 00:41:40,291
"[phone rings]
-- Uh, I'm sorry, just a second."

637
00:41:40,708 --> 00:41:43,789
It's our real estate agent.  We're buying a second house!

638
00:41:44,039 --> 00:41:46,540
You can buy houses?

639
00:41:53,039 --> 00:41:56,000
Oh, wait! Our reunion's coming up and I'm on the social committee.

640
00:41:56,456 --> 00:42:00,081
Are you on Facebook?

641
00:42:04,498 --> 00:42:05,831
[phone rings]

642
00:42:06,165 --> 00:42:08,000
Oh, hello?

643
00:42:08,414 --> 00:42:26,750
[music]

644
00:42:28,123 --> 00:42:52,123
[music]

645
00:42:53,081 --> 00:42:55,081
Working hard, or hardly working?

646
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,540
Both.

647
00:42:58,249 --> 00:43:01,750
I'm working hard, but this is hardly working.

648
00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:05,291
It's the new machine.  Costs more than all of my student loans combined

649
00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:07,333
and I'm not getting the right results.

650
00:43:07,582 --> 00:43:10,081
This is for the symposium tomorrow?

651
00:43:10,750 --> 00:43:12,750
I mean, later today?

652
00:43:13,081 --> 00:43:14,750
I haven't slept in days.

653
00:43:15,081 --> 00:43:17,957
I've eaten nothing but ramen and caffeine.

654
00:43:18,624 --> 00:43:21,207
Ever heard of a balanced diet?

655
00:43:21,498 --> 00:43:26,000
Yes.  Half of those are beef, and the others are shrimp.

656
00:43:27,207 --> 00:43:30,165
And my favorite flavor:  MSG.

657
00:43:30,831 --> 00:43:32,831
[laughs]

658
00:43:33,708 --> 00:43:35,708
I have to finish this.

659
00:43:36,333 --> 00:43:40,750
Professor Smith says it's "trivial" but I'm starting to think it's impossible.

660
00:43:41,333 --> 00:43:42,666
It's like trying to prove a negative.

661
00:43:42,957 --> 00:43:46,081
You can't show him that it's impossible unless you spend

662
00:43:46,456 --> 00:43:48,333
an infinite amount of time trying to do it.

663
00:43:48,582 --> 00:43:51,957
There is no limit to how long you can spend in grad school.

664
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,540
How has nobody else ever done this before?

665
00:43:55,873 --> 00:43:57,873
I mean I can think of three possibilities.

666
00:43:58,414 --> 00:44:00,414
A:  It's impossible.

667
00:44:00,957 --> 00:44:03,915
B:  Nobody's bothered to do it because it's useless.

668
00:44:05,666 --> 00:44:09,414
C:  Somebody has tried it before--I just don't know about it.

669
00:44:10,081 --> 00:44:12,123
I don't even know which one's the worst.

670
00:44:12,456 --> 00:44:16,375
Or D:  Maybe you're smarter than all the rest.

671
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,456
You're the One, Neo.

672
00:44:20,540 --> 00:44:22,540
Allison, do you ever feel like you're just an imposter?

673
00:44:22,957 --> 00:44:25,789
Like everyone just hasn't noticed that you're not as good as they think you are?

674
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,831
I'll let you in on a little secret.

675
00:44:28,165 --> 00:44:30,915
Around here, everyone  is an imposter.

676
00:44:31,831 --> 00:44:33,831
[microwave beeps]

677
00:45:05,750 --> 00:45:07,789
[alarms ring]

678
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:10,375
[baby cries]

679
00:45:14,207 --> 00:45:17,039
One of three students to be named U.S. Presidential Scholars.

680
00:45:17,375 --> 00:45:20,582
He turned out a perfect ACT score, and he's at the top of his class academically.

681
00:45:22,249 --> 00:45:24,249
And he's headed to Pasadena in the fall.

682
00:45:26,666 --> 00:45:29,000
Okay, now it's impossible.

683
00:45:31,291 --> 00:45:35,831
I'm free. I'm free! [laughs]

684
00:45:42,750 --> 00:45:55,957
I'm FREE!

685
00:45:56,831 --> 00:46:04,831
[music]

686
00:46:05,624 --> 00:46:07,582
"David.
-- Hi, Cecilia."

687
00:46:07,873 --> 00:46:09,789
I hope it's ok that I've come to your recitation session.

688
00:46:10,039 --> 00:46:13,249
What recitation?  Only two people showed up.

689
00:46:15,414 --> 00:46:18,081
I'm not even sure if he's alive.

690
00:46:19,291 --> 00:46:22,789
I had a whole lecture prepared.  I brought special notes,

691
00:46:23,291 --> 00:46:26,039
and practice problems--I even made cupcakes.

692
00:46:26,333 --> 00:46:29,000
The "P" ones are lactose free.  The "NP" ones are lactose and gluten free

693
00:46:29,414 --> 00:46:33,666
in case of allergies.  I was up last night making a dance routine for hash tables.

694
00:46:34,039 --> 00:46:35,582
I was up all night rehearsing it.

695
00:46:35,915 --> 00:46:38,582
Hash tables are data structures with keys and buckets.

696
00:46:39,165 --> 00:46:42,249
You can search associative arrays like a super-fast rocket!

697
00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:50,291
Is this a bad time for the session?  Is the room hard to find?

698
00:46:51,873 --> 00:46:53,414
Or am I just a bad TA?

699
00:46:53,750 --> 00:46:56,915
Well, it's not you.  It's them?

700
00:46:57,708 --> 00:46:59,873
Like I haven't heard that before.

701
00:47:00,207 --> 00:47:03,456
I don't even know why I try anymore.

702
00:47:04,081 --> 00:47:05,582
Hey listen, the dance competition.

703
00:47:05,957 --> 00:47:07,957
Is that something that you'd like to bring a date to?

704
00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:10,291
Because I was thinking--

705
00:47:10,666 --> 00:47:12,666
Uh, listen, David.  You're a nice guy,

706
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:14,333
even for an undergrad,

707
00:47:14,624 --> 00:47:17,666
but I don't have time to be in a relationship.

708
00:47:18,165 --> 00:47:19,540
And I dropped out of the dance competition.

709
00:47:19,873 --> 00:47:20,915
Oh, you did?

710
00:47:21,165 --> 00:47:23,165
I need to be graduating.  I need to get out of here.

711
00:47:23,708 --> 00:47:25,498
I can't be a grad student forever.

712
00:47:25,789 --> 00:47:28,123
I need to focus on my thesis and stop wasting my time

713
00:47:28,540 --> 00:47:31,165
with dancing, and teaching, and...

714
00:47:32,291 --> 00:47:34,750
That's not what I meant.

715
00:47:35,081 --> 00:47:38,789
I mean, what happens when I graduate? I can't get a professor job anywhere.

716
00:47:39,165 --> 00:47:41,831
These jobs only open up when someone dies.

717
00:47:42,498 --> 00:47:44,873
Let's not get too creative here.

718
00:47:45,375 --> 00:47:48,498
I can't go into industry.  What have I been working all this time for?

719
00:47:49,666 --> 00:47:51,291
I'd be selling out, like... like--

720
00:47:51,540 --> 00:47:52,831
Like a regular person?

721
00:47:53,081 --> 00:47:55,081
Listen, I'm not asking you to marry me.

722
00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:57,291
Look, I'm sorry.

723
00:47:57,750 --> 00:48:00,165
Okay, it's fine.  I get it.

724
00:48:02,207 --> 00:48:06,957
You don't get credit for having a life.

725
00:48:10,081 --> 00:48:13,873
Is this gonna be on the test?

726
00:48:16,039 --> 00:48:25,039
[music]

727
00:48:27,207 --> 00:48:30,000
There's a lab up here that simulates the surface of Mars.

728
00:48:30,207 --> 00:48:33,249
I keep a case of beer hidden behind one of the rocks.

729
00:48:34,915 --> 00:48:36,123
It's pretty cold on Mars.

730
00:48:36,333 --> 00:48:38,123
Thanks.

731
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:40,123
Professor Smith's presenting at our symposium right now,

732
00:48:40,414 --> 00:48:42,414
and you know what he's thinking?

733
00:48:42,957 --> 00:48:44,957
That I failed him, and I'm just not good enough.

734
00:48:45,291 --> 00:48:46,873
I'm sure that's not the case.

735
00:48:47,207 --> 00:48:48,375
How do you know?

736
00:48:48,708 --> 00:48:50,708
He probably doesn't think about you that much.

737
00:48:51,291 --> 00:48:52,873
You ever wonder what the point is?

738
00:48:53,333 --> 00:48:55,249
Eh. Not really.

739
00:48:55,498 --> 00:48:57,291
I mean about this research we do.

740
00:48:57,540 --> 00:49:00,624
We publish so that people can give us more money

741
00:49:00,831 --> 00:49:03,000
so that we can do more research so that we can publish more!

742
00:49:03,291 --> 00:49:04,333
Ad infinitum!

743
00:49:04,624 --> 00:49:05,915
Ad nauseum.

744
00:49:06,249 --> 00:49:08,123
See, I thought that I was gonna be working on big problems,

745
00:49:08,333 --> 00:49:11,957
but it seems like I'm just working on a subproblem of a subproblem of a subproblem.

746
00:49:12,333 --> 00:49:14,123
We're all just research tools.

747
00:49:14,414 --> 00:49:17,123
I don't wanna be here forever, like..., like--

748
00:49:17,456 --> 00:49:19,165
Me?

749
00:49:19,831 --> 00:49:29,831
[music]

750
00:49:32,207 --> 00:49:33,666
There you are.

751
00:49:33,957 --> 00:49:35,375
Hey.

752
00:49:35,708 --> 00:49:37,375
I don't think I've been here before.  It's...

753
00:49:37,666 --> 00:49:39,666
...like a rat maze?  Yeah.

754
00:49:40,165 --> 00:49:43,333
Sometimes I think grad school's just a weird psychological experiment.

755
00:49:44,081 --> 00:49:45,666
Wouldn't that be funny.

756
00:49:45,873 --> 00:49:49,123
This year I got to move one spot closer to the window.

757
00:49:49,582 --> 00:49:51,123
Sunlight goes by seniority.

758
00:49:51,333 --> 00:49:52,831
I haven't seen you around the house very much.

759
00:49:53,165 --> 00:49:56,708
I've been working here.  I've got my coffee and clothes

760
00:49:57,207 --> 00:50:01,291
and water and food.  And a place to crash

761
00:50:02,624 --> 00:50:06,582
and the internet.  My work's all on the computer.

762
00:50:07,039 --> 00:50:10,750
I could do an entire Ph.D. without leaving these four walls.

763
00:50:11,081 --> 00:50:12,414
Don't you need to shower?

764
00:50:12,750 --> 00:50:14,624
All my friends are online.

765
00:50:14,915 --> 00:50:16,333
How do you find anything?

766
00:50:16,582 --> 00:50:19,207
I know it looks chaotic, but really it's organized.

767
00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:22,582
It's really organized.  That's my research paper pile.

768
00:50:22,831 --> 00:50:26,249
And that's my class stuff pile. And that's my bank stuff pile.

769
00:50:26,666 --> 00:50:28,249
What's this one?

770
00:50:28,498 --> 00:50:31,498
That's my I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-it pile.

771
00:50:33,750 --> 00:50:35,414
Isn't your dance competition today?

772
00:50:35,750 --> 00:50:40,039
I can't go.  I'm working.

773
00:50:41,540 --> 00:50:44,540
I'm taking a break!

774
00:50:45,039 --> 00:50:47,831
So, what's the lab pool up to on how long I've been here now?

775
00:50:48,456 --> 00:50:50,414
Uhh, three hundred fifty?

776
00:50:50,666 --> 00:50:54,666
[music] [dinosaur roaring]

777
00:50:54,915 --> 00:50:56,708
Let me know when it gets to $500.

778
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,123
I like to win it every couple of years.

779
00:51:01,540 --> 00:51:04,708
Mike, what happened?

780
00:51:06,789 --> 00:51:09,414
I worked hard.  I was industrious.

781
00:51:09,873 --> 00:51:11,873
And then the project that I spent my first seven years on

782
00:51:12,207 --> 00:51:15,291
got retracted. Nobody could reproduce our results.

783
00:51:15,750 --> 00:51:17,789
And you couldn't do it again?

784
00:51:18,039 --> 00:51:21,123
Nah, we lost the funding.  The machine we used got shut down.

785
00:51:21,456 --> 00:51:23,123
Nobody believed you?

786
00:51:23,333 --> 00:51:27,000
Nobody believes anything in academia.  That's the whole point.

787
00:51:27,873 --> 00:51:33,039
Evidence is king. The only thing you take for granted is that there'll be another grant.

788
00:51:33,624 --> 00:51:34,582
Man.

789
00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:36,915
Life is tough.  And then you graduate.

790
00:51:37,123 --> 00:51:39,123
Everybody's here because they want to be here.

791
00:51:39,414 --> 00:51:43,123
There's nothing reasonable about pursuing a life of reason.

792
00:51:44,915 --> 00:51:48,039
Cecilia, as your roommate and secondary character, I have to tell you

793
00:51:48,957 --> 00:51:50,789
you need to snap out of this funk.

794
00:51:51,039 --> 00:51:53,039
I have to finish my thesis, Tajel.

795
00:51:53,624 --> 00:51:55,375
I'm gonna be thirty-five in a few months.

796
00:51:55,708 --> 00:51:56,789
Thirty-five?

797
00:51:57,165 --> 00:51:59,165
In base seven!

798
00:51:59,375 --> 00:52:02,333
Dating and dancing just don't make for good research.

799
00:52:02,750 --> 00:52:03,915
No, but they do make you happy!

800
00:52:04,207 --> 00:52:06,207
You feel like you've lost your passion for research

801
00:52:06,498 --> 00:52:09,915
but maybe you've just forgotten how to be passionate about anything.

802
00:52:10,249 --> 00:52:12,831
Graduate school is as much about truth in research

803
00:52:13,081 --> 00:52:15,081
as it is about finding truth in yourself.

804
00:52:16,081 --> 00:52:19,207
How do you do it, Tajel? How come you're never stressed?

805
00:52:20,789 --> 00:52:21,624
Well--

806
00:52:21,957 --> 00:52:24,456
How do you do it, Mike? How come you're never stressed?

807
00:52:24,789 --> 00:52:26,789
It's easy in research to get tunnel vision.

808
00:52:27,081 --> 00:52:29,873
You feel isolated, like you're the only person with your problem.

809
00:52:30,291 --> 00:52:31,414
But the truth is

810
00:52:31,708 --> 00:52:34,624
you're not alone.  But whenever I get stressed

811
00:52:34,873 --> 00:52:35,957
I just ask myself the question:

812
00:52:36,333 --> 00:52:37,540
Do I really care?

813
00:52:37,873 --> 00:52:40,582
Would I rather be doing anything else?

814
00:52:40,915 --> 00:52:44,039
You're not a machine. You have to embrace the things you're passionate about.

815
00:52:44,666 --> 00:52:47,789
Every great idea, every great moment of "Eureka!",

816
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:50,333
came when it was least expected.

817
00:52:50,789 --> 00:52:51,333
Google,

818
00:52:51,582 --> 00:52:54,666
Facebook, Newton and gravity, Einstein and relativity--

819
00:52:55,498 --> 00:52:58,666
all of these things happened when they weren't doing what they were supposed to be doing.

820
00:52:59,123 --> 00:53:01,333
When they were following their passion--

821
00:53:01,750 --> 00:53:03,750
Procrastinating.

822
00:53:05,414 --> 00:53:07,957
I need to relax.

823
00:53:08,207 --> 00:53:09,666
Exactly.

824
00:53:09,957 --> 00:53:13,375
No! I mean my experiment.

825
00:53:14,249 --> 00:53:17,039
That's why I haven't been able to get the data.

826
00:53:17,333 --> 00:53:20,333
I need to relax to boundary limit conditions--of course!

827
00:53:21,249 --> 00:53:31,249
[music]

828
00:53:32,375 --> 00:53:34,291
I could still make the competition!

829
00:53:34,456 --> 00:53:36,249
Yes!

830
00:53:38,957 --> 00:53:41,831
How do I look?

831
00:53:46,081 --> 00:53:48,708
Ready to rumba.

832
00:53:48,957 --> 00:53:51,831
Uh, Miss T.A.?

833
00:53:54,957 --> 00:53:56,375
What about the homework?

834
00:53:56,831 --> 00:53:58,915
It's all in the book!

835
00:53:59,249 --> 00:54:00,456
I've figured it out.

836
00:54:00,789 --> 00:54:03,249
Professor Smith's methodology, it's not right or wrong.

837
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:06,789
It's just that it doesn't apply for all of the experimental conditions.

838
00:54:07,708 --> 00:54:09,000
Whoa.

839
00:54:09,249 --> 00:54:10,666
Does anyone have a--

840
00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:12,456
Here. Use mine.

841
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:14,582
Thanks!

842
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,750
Does anyone know the fastest way to the symposium?

843
00:54:16,957 --> 00:54:19,207
Yeah, take the sub-sub-basement corridor to the Millikan Library.

844
00:54:19,498 --> 00:54:21,498
Topside is swarming with the tour groups at this time.

845
00:54:21,789 --> 00:54:23,789
"Thanks!
-- Wait!"

846
00:54:24,207 --> 00:54:26,915
You'll need this!

847
00:54:27,207 --> 00:54:29,207
Thanks!

848
00:54:30,333 --> 00:54:46,333
[music]

849
00:54:48,789 --> 00:54:51,414
Are you ok?

850
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,666
Uh, yeah, yeah.  I will be.

851
00:54:56,957 --> 00:54:58,789
All right, I gotta go.

852
00:54:59,123 --> 00:55:01,708
"Me too, okay.
-- Okay, uh…"

853
00:55:02,207 --> 00:55:10,750
[music]

854
00:55:11,291 --> 00:55:13,291
[pounds on window]

855
00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:14,873
[music]

856
00:55:15,207 --> 00:55:16,789
[pounds on window]

857
00:55:17,123 --> 00:55:23,831
[music]

858
00:55:23,957 --> 00:55:26,249
I thought you couldn't make it to the competition.

859
00:55:26,456 --> 00:55:29,540
I decided to give myself extra credit.

860
00:55:30,207 --> 00:56:15,957
[music]

861
00:56:17,081 --> 00:56:18,249
So.

862
00:56:18,456 --> 00:56:20,039
So?

863
00:56:20,375 --> 00:56:23,165
That project I assigned you wasn't impossible after all.

864
00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:24,831
I guess not.

865
00:56:25,165 --> 00:56:26,414
Huh.

866
00:56:26,708 --> 00:56:28,123
Are you surprised by my competence?

867
00:56:28,333 --> 00:56:30,624
I must be losing my touch.

868
00:56:31,123 --> 00:56:34,207
Although, showing up with the data you did at the last minute,

869
00:56:34,456 --> 00:56:37,375
that was, uh, that was dramatic.

870
00:56:38,249 --> 00:56:41,291
A little bit of theatrics can go a long way in academia.

871
00:56:41,540 --> 00:56:44,708
Sometimes I ask my students not to give me their data

872
00:56:45,291 --> 00:56:47,081
until the night before a presentation.

873
00:56:47,291 --> 00:56:51,207
That way I can honestly say it's data that my grad student just sent me.

874
00:56:52,333 --> 00:56:55,000
Well I thought you'd want to see this right away.

875
00:56:55,291 --> 00:56:59,249
It was...interesting.  Might make a good Figure 1 on a Ph. D. thesis.

876
00:56:59,957 --> 00:57:01,708
Just Figure 1?

877
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000
1a.

878
00:57:05,375 --> 00:57:09,333
Unfortunately, I don't have any funding for another Ph. D. student right now.

879
00:57:10,081 --> 00:57:15,498
However, I do have some interesting ideas for a new proposal.

880
00:57:18,081 --> 00:57:20,789
If you'd help me write it, and if it gets funded,

881
00:57:21,456 --> 00:57:24,000
I might consider taking you on.

882
00:57:24,789 --> 00:57:27,915
Yes.  I'd like that, Professor.

883
00:57:29,624 --> 00:57:32,207
No need to thank me, uh...

884
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:35,123
Winston.  My name is Winston.

885
00:57:35,789 --> 00:57:37,414
Very well.

886
00:57:37,708 --> 00:57:39,957
Now get back to the lab.

887
00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:45,831
[music]

888
00:57:49,789 --> 00:57:51,789
You came to recitation.

889
00:57:52,039 --> 00:57:55,123
You stopped making lecture handouts.

890
00:57:55,957 --> 00:57:59,291
So now, we have to come and, like, pay attention and stuff.

891
00:58:08,081 --> 00:58:11,831
Who's ready to learn about hash tables?!

892
00:58:15,207 --> 00:58:17,207
Get it?  Keys?

893
00:58:21,123 --> 00:58:23,291
Yes? Do you need an extension?

894
00:58:23,498 --> 00:58:25,708
No, actually I wanted to say thanks.

895
00:58:25,915 --> 00:58:28,207
This has been a really cool class.

896
00:58:28,456 --> 00:58:30,915
I can't wait to get to more complicated stuff next term.

897
00:58:31,081 --> 00:58:33,708
Really? You think this stuff is cool?

898
00:58:33,957 --> 00:58:36,165
Yeah, but I'm kind of a dork.

899
00:58:36,456 --> 00:58:39,249
You're like a grad student waiting to happen.

900
00:58:39,708 --> 00:58:42,789
I hope not, but thanks again.  I'll see you around.

901
00:58:43,708 --> 00:58:45,333
Uh, you too.

902
00:58:45,708 --> 00:58:47,708
[music]

903
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:06,666
Jen?

904
00:59:06,957 --> 00:59:09,831
Guess what? Your sugar momma is about to be a real momma.

905
00:59:10,123 --> 00:59:13,039
You have nine months to deliver your thesis.

906
00:59:15,789 --> 00:59:18,789
Mike's married?

907
00:59:24,789 --> 00:59:25,414
Hi.

908
00:59:25,831 --> 00:59:27,000
Hi.

909
00:59:27,333 --> 00:59:29,249
Can I help you with that?

910
00:59:29,498 --> 00:59:32,165
Oh, uh, yeah.  Thanks.

911
00:59:42,207 --> 00:59:44,207
Hi.  Are you guys graduate students?

912
00:59:44,831 --> 00:59:47,624
This is for my thesis.  I'm studying why

913
00:59:47,915 --> 00:59:51,333
there's a fifty percent dropout rate amongst Ph. D. students.

914
00:59:51,708 --> 00:59:54,081
That means that two out of every four graduate students

915
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:56,915
will never graduate.

916
00:59:57,249 --> 01:00:01,039
But I know that there're a lot of issues that I should be really concerned about,

917
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:05,165
especially as a graduate student, because, you know, no one's really going to be your advocate.

918
01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:12,540
So.

919
01:00:12,789 --> 01:00:15,165
How's research?