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JOKES.TXT
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JOKES.TXT
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Why did the scarecrow succeed in its job?
It was outstanding in its field!
I told my wife she draws eyebrows to high.
She looked suprised.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
Why don't skeletons fight eachother?
They don't have the guts!
I used to play piano by ear.
But now I use my hands and fingers.
Why did the bycicle fall over?
Because it was two-tired!
I told my computer I needed a break.
And now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.
Why don't scientists trust stairs?
Because they're always up to something!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
I used to play piano for a seafood restaurant.
I got canned because I kept finding the tuna.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded?
There was nothing left but de-brie.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you."
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with!
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Now I'm in finance, and I still can't make enough dough.
What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea!
I finally got a job at the calendar factory.
All I do is days.
I used to be addicted to the alphabet.
I quit cold turkey.
I used to be indecisive...
But now I'm not so sure.
Did you hear about the musician who got robbed?
They took all his notes!
What is the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner!
What did the zero say to the eight?
That belt looks good on you!
Where do fruits go on vacation?
Pear-is!
I asked my dog what's two minus two.
He said nothing.
What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?
Where's Pop Corn?
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office!
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
What do you call a poor Santa Claus?
St. Nickel-less.
Where do boats go when they're sick?
To the boat doc!
I don't trust those trees.
They seem kind of shady.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!
Why don't eggs tell jokes
They'd crack each other up.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!